Gay but not happy?? No!!

I am Christian, and I am gay. Apparently, the two are mutually exclusive. Choices seemed to be my solution. I took out my mobile and keyed in their number. Somehow, I never got down to calling them. It just did not feel right.

A year later, I had a lukewarm relationship with God. I wanted a closer walk with Him, but the fact that I was lesbian became a barrier. I felt inferior, thinking that God would not want to have anything to do with me. Just as how my parents frowned on homosexuality, I thought God would too.

Then, I chanced upon an email from RedQueen, announcing the first run of LUSH. Looking back, I had no idea how LUSH would change my life. Signing up for it was easy. Making it a point to attend it was difficult. Would it be just an affirmation that I have to choose between being a homosexual and being a Christian? It’s my inclination to like girls. Turning straight is not a choice; I have tried and it felt like I was living one big lie. I could not understand why God would want His creation to live their lives out as lies.

It turned out to be untrue. God’s relationship with us is unlike our relationship with other human beings. His love and acceptance for everyone is sometimes too much for anyone to fathom or even imitate. While other people can tell you that homosexuality is against the Christian faith, I would say, go explore for yourself. Read the Bible, pray to Him and be open to His stirrings.

Don’t just let the churches tell you what is right or wrong. By all means, listen to what they have to say. At the same time, hear what the other side of the fence has to share too. Surf the web, read commentaries and pray. Let Him, not the church leaders, lead you.

LUSH made a big difference to me. I could finally reconcile being gay and being Christian. God did not reject me because I am a lesbian. He still loves me, and has a purpose for me. That purpose is not compromised because I am gay. Being gay to me, is a gift. Through the support group, I not only got to know wonderful girls who have been a great source of support, but also got to have a better relationship with God. I learnt to love myself, and to allow myself to accept the fact that I can indeed be Christian and gay. The two are definitely not mutually exclusive, and now I can confidently tell everyone, God loves you, gay or not". And yes, you can be gay and happy.

Cynthia